For nobody else gave me a thrill
by darciewritestoo
Summary: David looks for answers in places he never thought he'd look. Follows "I want to get off one time and not apologize." Javid slash.


They didn't talk about it. At all.

It wasn't like David was surprised. After all, how could they ever begin to discuss what they had done? There were really no opportunities to do that. David usually met Jack in the afternoon after school. He'd already been selling papes for hours when David took on some of the work. Jack didn't act any different than he had before... the _thing_ happened. They went about selling their papes as if nothing had ever happened.

David couldn't believe he had started thinking of it as _the thing_. But then again, he wasn't sure what else he was supposed to call it. He tried not to think about it most of the time. Because he knew that if he did, he would look guilty. Then maybe his mother would ask him what was wrong and he would have to lie. And he was trying not to do that anymore.

The problem with staying in business with Jack was that David would remember little details all the time. He would remember standing in front of Jack in the bathroom. He would remember Jack's tongue as he concentrated on making himself feel good. And he would remember Jack's face when he finally came. Sometimes Jack would give David a dirty, teasing smile and he David couldn't help but remember.

But nothing like that could happen _ever again_. David knew it was wrong. And he wasn't the type to do the wrong thing. All his life he'd been good, trying to do the right thing. Sure, since he met Jack and the other newsies he'd become more rebellious, and his parents were alright with some of that, but he didn't want to disappoint them. They had sent him to school, put a roof over his head, and he couldn't let them down. Not after they had been so supportive of him.

o O o O o O o O o

It was four in the afternoon. Jack was off talking to a well-off looking young woman while David had just managed to sell today's news to an older man. The man had noted that he remembered David's picture from the time he and newsies had been on the front page of The Sun.

The man left, and when Jack walked back over to David, he lit a cigarette. "You mind?"

David gave him a pointed look. "Even if I did, you'd still do it." And he knew he was right. Jack had been smoking around him since they met. David couldn't really blame him. It had been cold recently.

Jack pretended to look wounded. "That hurts, Dave." He held his hand over his heart. "Right here." He smiled to show David he was joking, and then he let out some smoke. "Anyway, that girl. She was real pretty, huh?"

"Yeah." David admitted. Because she _had_ been. "Did you sell her a pape?"

"Two!" Jack announced proudly. "Took a bit of flirtin', though."

"Which you're a world class champion at." David's voice was dry and he turned away slightly. He couldn't help it. Jack was a big flirt. He _knew_ this. Every time they ran into a pretty girl he charmed her while David watched. He used to be envious of Jack's skills. Now he watched, unsure of what to do or how to feel. It was like he felt jealous that Jack was flirting with people in general, but that... that was _weird_.

"We all have somethin' we're good at," Jack said, slapping David on the back. David froze at his touch. "I'm great with people and you're great at your school stuff. You're smartest sellin' partner a guy could have."

"Thanks." David stuck his hands in his pockets. "Hey," he looked up at him nervously. "Want to go to my place? It's almost time for supper anyway."

"Alright," Jack looked into his eyes meaningfully and David could swear his heart skipped a beat.

No, no, _no_.

o O o O o O o O o

Luckily, nothing weird happened during supper.

David let Sarah sit next to both Jack and Les, and David sat between Les and his mother, staring down at his food. He knew his parents must have been suspicious; maybe they thought that he and Jack had had a fight. If only it was that simple.

After supper, he went out onto the balcony with Jack. They did the spit handshake, and when their hands met, David _couldn't_ avoid Jack's gaze. Again, memories washed over him. Touching himself as he gazed at Jack. Breathing hard, watching Jack come undone.

He turned away. "Good night."

"Night, Dave." Jack said, his voice uneasy. Like he knew what was going through David's mind. Like he was thinking similar thoughts.

David headed back into the apartment, wondering for the first time if Jack was going through the same thing he was.

o O o O o O o O o

David wasn't religious. He was Jewish, yes, but it was in name only. He celebrated the holidays with his family and tried to follow some of the beliefs, but in general he wasn't sure what he believed in terms of religion. Maybe God existed. Maybe he didn't. He figured there was no way to know so he might as well just try to be a good person.

At school, there was a small resource of books. A bookshelf sat in his classroom. He knew it was full of novels, but he also knew there was a Bible there. Not that he usually read the Bible or anything, but he had heard enough about it to know what he was looking for. He was looking for answers.

After the students had filed out of the classroom for the day, he walked straight to the bookshelf and picked the Bible off the shelf. He sat at a desk that wasn't his as he opened the book.

He flipped to Leviticus. He knew that there were some verses in there that were supposedly used against queer people, and maybe he would have a better understanding of it if he could read them for himself. He knew which verses they were, and when the found the first one he blinked.

_"Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is an abomination."_

David sighed. Yeah. He'd known his feelings were wrong. But an abomination? Maybe he was better off not being religious after all.

The next quotation from Leviticus was even worse. It said something similar, ending in, _"they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them." _

He gulped. Well, _that_ couldn't happen, at least. He knew that putting people to death for... that... didn't happen anymore, at least not in New York. It was still illegal, but he was pretty sure that there was only a jail sentence.

_Only_ a jail sentence? What was he thinking? Just because people didn't endure death sentences for being queer didn't mean that it was an okay thing to be or do.

He wondered what the chances were of these verses being translated wrong. Or maybe they were interpreted wrong. The Bible was a complicated thing; maybe the verses meant something else entirely.

What was this? Wishful thinking?

He rubbed his forehead, and accidentally knocked the Bible off of the small desk. He picked it up off the floor and looked down, realizing he had lost his place. Now he was on one of the Samuel books.

He saw his name, realizing it must have been about the same David from the David & Goliath story. But then another name caught his eye. Jonathan.

_"And it came to pass, when he had made an end of speaking unto Saul, that the soul of Jonathan was knit with the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul."_ A few lines later, he read, _"Then Jonathan and David made a covenant, because he loved him as his own soul. And Jonathan stripped himself of the robe that was upon him, and gave it to David, and his garments, even to his sword, and to his bow, and to his girdle."_

"What the...?" David wondered aloud. This... was weird. He sort of knew about the friendship between Jonathan and David, but he had never read the story. He wasn't sure, but something about this story seemed off. David and Jonathan seemed more affectionate than normal friends.

As he read on, he learned that Saul had given David his daughter Michal to marry. The story said that Michal loved David, but it only said that David was happy about being the son-in-law to the king. As the story continued, it described the fact that Saul became afraid of David, and he wanted him to die. But his son Jonathan "delighted much" in David. The story kept emphasizing how much they loved each other.

They even kissed at one point.

The thing that really got David was Saul's outburst at Jonathan. _"Thou son of a perverse rebellious woman, do not I know that thou hast chosen the son of Jesse to thine own confusion, and until the confusion of thy mother's nakedness? For as long as the son of Jesse liveth upon the ground, thou shalt not be established, nor thy kingdom."_

After that came the kiss between Jonathan and David. And apparently that kiss went on for a long time.

David shook a bit as he flipped ahead. Jonathan ended up dying, and David grieved, claiming that Jonathan's love was better than a woman's love. Better than Michal's, David suspected. Why would they be compared? That was weird. That... wasn't...

"Oh boy." David whispered. He was definitely better off not being religious. He thought he would get some kind of clarification about this by reading the Bible but all it did was confuse him. There were verses that probably meant that being queer was bad. And then there was this story.

A defying the enemy, forbidden love kind of story. Going up against someone all powerful just because you believe in something. David could relate to the story. That was scary. Because it seemed like David and Jonathan were actually in love. He might have been interpreting it wrong, but how could he misinterpret Saul getting mad at Jonathan? Everything about it hinted at abnormal feelings.

He put the book back on the shelf, and turned away from it, more confused than ever.

o O o O o O o O o

As he left school and started toward his and Jack's meeting place, he tried to think about it objectively. It was possible that being queer wasn't wrong. A lot of people said it was, but then again, a lot of people had supported Pulitzer's side during the strike. Maybe it wasn't as black and white as people liked to say it was. Of course, that didn't account for what the law thought. The law was pretty clear that if he and Jack did sexual things, jail would be in his future.

How did two guys have sex anyway? He understood the concept of sodomy. It was whatever normal intercourse wasn't. As he tried to figure it out, his blush grew. He didn't _want_ to be that way. He wanted to be normal, get through school, make his parents proud. He hadn't asked for any of this.

It was best to just forget about this. After all, it wasn't like he was in love with Jack. There was no possible way that he was. And eventually these strange feelings would go away. Maybe David would go away to college and meet a nice girl and settle down. Maybe he'd meet one sooner than that. Either way, he would get over this and prove to himself that Jack Kelly didn't have that big an effect on him.

Jack wasn't at their normal spot, but David wasn't too surprised. He'd stayed at school a few minutes later than normal when he was reading. So he walked a little further and finally stopped. Jack was talking to a woman, flashing that flirtatious grin that he did so well. David's stomach began to hurt, but he willed it to stop.

"And there's my partner Dave!" Jack exclaimed. He sounded excited. Then David noticed how few papes Jack was carrying. He always took a lot, so David figured he must have sold a lot earlier in the day.

Jack finished up with the woman and handed David some papes. "Didn't sell yours, don't worry."

"I wasn't worried about that." David told him honestly. He wondered if he looked upset. "So it's been a good day?"

"Ran into a whole crowd of businessmen." Jack told him. "Some of 'em paid extra for their papes because of the whole strike."

"That's great, Jack." said David. He momentarily forgot all the strangeness and just felt happy for his friend.

He and Jack headed down the street, occasionally stopping for someone who wanted to buy the World that day. Jack sold the rest of his papes and let David have the remaining business. David lost himself in selling, distracted. He sold to older adults, making conversation the best he could. Before the strike he hadn't been much of a people person, but he was learning. He had learned a lot from working alongside the other guys. Well... working alongside Jack.

There was one point where Jack walked ahead of David, and David couldn't stop himself from studying Jack's form. His eyes drifted downward to Jack's bottom, and then up his back again.

It was no use. It had gotten so much worse since that night he and Jack did things. He couldn't be around Jack and get rid of these thoughts.

He needed to stop being a newsie as much as he didn't want to.

Jack had promised Racetrack he would participate in some sort of card game in the lodging house that night. He asked David if he wanted to come along, but David said he had to get home and help his family with supper. He also had schoolwork to finish.

He didn't tell Jack that he didn't plan to come back.

o O o O o O o O o

David threw himself into a routine that had nothing to do with the newsies. He would come home from school and help out around the apartment. When his family asked him why he had stopped selling papes, he told them that he was falling behind on schoolwork. That wasn't exactly a lie; he'd had to do his schoolwork much later at night ever since he'd gone back. Les repeatedly asked after Jack, and David told him that next time he saw Jack he would tell him hi for Les.

But that didn't happen. He didn't go meet Jack to sell papes, and Jack didn't come by the apartment at all, so he probably didn't care too much that David had stopped being his partner. He had probably gone back to selling on his own, or maybe with the other newsies. Whatever Jack was doing, David tried not to think about it.

Weeks passed. David distracted himself with school and chores. He tried to spend time with his old friends at school, though he found they had moved on from him. Or maybe it was ihe/i who had changed. After spending so much time as a newsie, he noticed that they seemed more prissy than before. They were less rough around the edges, more privileged, less interesting.

Not that he wanted to seem like a snob. He just missed the friends he'd made.

There was one day when he spotted Jack on a street corner. He was selling to a middle-aged man, and being his usual charming self. For a moment David just stood there staring at him before regaining his sanity and ran the other way.

o O o O o O o O o

Soon came the news of Sarah and Denton's engagement. David wasn't surprised. He had seen it coming, and he was thrilled for them. Denton really was a great guy, and he made Sarah happy. He could give her love and stability and all of the nice things she deserved. When he and Sarah announced the news, they were all gathered around the dinner table. His mother burst into happy tears and his father shook Denton's hand. He didn't seem too surprised, and David suspected that Denton had asked his Meyer's permission first.

David, of course, hugged Sarah and shook Denton's hand. Denton proceeded to tell David to call him Bryan, even though that was kind of weird to him. Even though Denton was going to be his brother-in-law, he was in his thirties, closer to his parents' age than his own. Not that girls didn't marry thirty year old guys all the time, David even knew some girls at school who planned to do the same, but Bryan Denton had always just been "Denton" to him.

Denton - Bryan - asked him to tell Jack and the other newsies if he happened to see them first. David grudgingly agreed, even though he knew he wasn't going to see them.

Over the next week, the Jacobs family learned that the wedding plans had already progressed. Bryan had already purchased a place for him and Sarah to live together just outside of the city; he was planning to move out of his apartment. Apparently it was a cute little house and Sarah and Bryan wanted everyone to come see it. In a few days they would go stay the night and come back the next morning. But David couldn't go. He had some things to do for school that he knew he wouldn't be able to do if he left. He didn't want to be holed up in a guest room in Sarah's new house while everyone else was enjoying themselves, so he promised Sarah that he would go there soon, maybe when the school year was over.

The evening his family had gone, David sat at the table, trying to read a book for school. He was trying, mainly because he kept drifting off, looking up toward the window.

He sighed and closed his book. He rested his hand on his leg for a moment. When he moved it, it brushed against his privates, and he closed his eyes. He really couldn't do this. He had given up pleasuring himself as well, and so far he had been doing alright with it. He'd had been waking up with sticky longjohns some mornings, but it was easier this way. He didn't remember his dreams very often.

When there was a knock on the window, David opened his eyes and looked up sharply. A curtain covered the window, but... no one ever really knocked on the window. Nobody but Jack.

He stood up and walked over to the window. He pushed aside the curtain, and sure enough there was Jack, waiting expectantly.

He opened the window. "What are you doing here?"

"Nice, Davey. Real nice." Jack said. He pushed past David through the window right into the apartment and David had no choice but to shut the window back up and close the curtain.

"What are you doing here?" David repeated, keeping an acceptable distance from Jack. He couldn't help but notice how Jack's hair was a tiny bit longer and that he was wearing a new bandana. He looked good. David flushed, but he didn't look away.

"Needed to talk to ya. I've been watchin' and waited 'til your folks left so I could talk to you alone." Jack said. He took in David's appearance, frowning. He looked offended by David's presence. David had a feeling he deserved that. "Where the hell have you been?"

David blinked at him. "I... I needed to stop selling papes. I had to catch up on school. I missed a lot when my father was out of work, and-"

"Bullshit!" Jack exclaimed, and David stepped backwards, wondering if Jack was going to soak him. He sure looked like it. "You're embarrassed, aren't ya? You're goin' to be some big shot doctor or lawyer or somethin' and you don't want to be around the newsies. It's beneath ya, isn't it?"

Jack's dialect was even stronger when he was angry, David noticed. But did Jack really think that? That ithat/i was the reason David stopped spending time with him? He felt like David thought he was so above the newsies that he had decided to give up their friendship? _Really?_ "No."

"You're lyin'. Thought your father taught you not to lie, Dave." Jack said took a few steps toward him, but now David stood his ground.

"I don't think I'm better than anyone." David replied truthfully. How could he tell Jack that he was trying to protect him? That David thought about things he shouldn't? That he was trying to spare Jack all of that? Even if there was the slightest chance Jack felt the same way, they couldn't do anything about it. It was best just to push him away. "And if you think that I think that, you're more stupid than you look."

As soon as the words left David's mouth, he regretted them. They were wrong in so many ways. They were untrue, because Jack wasn't stupid and didn't look stupid. David could see a glimmer of hurt in Jack's eyes, though he quickly masked it with more anger.

Jack stepped toward him again and as soon as he reached David, he shoved him against the table. "What did you say?"

David ignored how much it hurt, and stared into Jack's eyes. He glared. "Why did you come here? Everything was going fine! I was fine, and you were going to be fine, but this is messing everything up!" he exclaimed. He knew he probably didn't make any sense, but anything to get Jack away before David said something he should keep secret. Anything.

Jack gripped David's shoulders tightly, and when their gazes caught again, David couldn't breathe. Jack looked like he was contemplating walking away or punching him in the face. David tried to look brave, but he hated not knowing what was going to happen.

And then before David could say anything, Jack kissed him. David wasn't sure what was happening at first, but then he recognized the feeling of lips against his own. Not that he had much to compare it to, but he knew enough to recognized that he was being kissed. Jack's lips were softer than he anticipated, even though he pushed them hard against David's own. David could taste Jack's breath. He'd smoked a cigarette recently and the familiarity comforted him.

And... and Jack was _kissing_ him. But no. He had spent weeks trying to prevent anything like this. He couldn't disappoint his family, and he couldn't break the law. As much as he wanted to. As much as he wanted to try all the things he'd ever fantasized about. He pushed Jack away, "Stop it, Jack."

"I think iyou're/i the idiot, Davey." Jack snapped. He pulled David to him and walked him over to his bed. David felt weird about it, knowing he shouldn't let Jack do this, but he was also intrigued. What did Jack think he was doing?

Suddenly Jack shoved him backwards, and David fell onto his bed. David started to sit up, but Jack prevented it. He crawled over David and pushed him back so that he couldn't get up. All David could do was stare up at him. Jack was close, and David could feel him getting hard. The fact that he was sent a familiar wave of pleasure throughout David, and suddenly he knew he was going to have an erection soon enough.

"You think this is easy, Dave?" Jack asked, still clearly angry. "Ya know when I asked what ya thing about when you touch yourself? You never answered me."

"I, uh-"

"This is what I think about," Jack brushed his privates against David's for effect, and even though they were clothed, David could feel it. He bit his lip. "And I _can't stand_ it."

That was what he said. But as David looked up into Jack's eyes, he could tell that Jack meant something different. He didn't actually hate it. He wanted to hate it. He wanted to hate it, but he couldn't. Which explained why Jack had cornered David in the bathroom and then never brought it up again.

David figured he could do the right thing and shove Jack away. It wasn't like he was powerless. He should push Jack away and tell him to go to the lodging house, find a girl, _something_. But the way Jack was looking at him, the way his lips looked right now... David made a decision.

He reached up and pulled Jack's mouth down to his. Jack kissed him back hungrily. One of Jack's legs found its way between David's, and soon they were tangled. David found that kissing Jack felt much more right than he anticipated. It felt like Jack was challenging him, and David loved that. He let Jack into his mouth; it felt natural. He met Jack's tongue just as Jack's hand moved downward, finally settling over David's hardness. David gasped into Jack's mouth.

Jack pulled back then and regarded him. "I don't even know what I'm doin'." he confessed.

"You think I do?" David replied breathlessly.

"Well, you're the smart one."

David responded to Jack by taking off his own shirt. He didn't care anymore. He couldn't resist anymore. Not when it felt so good and so right. Jack followed his lead, but David finished undressing first. He watched as Jack slipped out of his underpants and threw them to the side. He blinked up at Jack. He knew he shouldn't be with Jack this way. He and Jack were naked, about to do God knows what, and he wasn't doing anything to stop it.

He didn't care. Jack lowered himself to David again, and David kissed him immediately. Jack kissed down David's neck, and then nipped at his shoulder a bit. Jack spit on his hand and wrapped his hand around David's erection, and then pulled back and looked at David, obviously willing him to do the same. And so David did. He repeated the spitting action and touched Jack. Tentatively at first, but as he stroked, he saw that Jack good. "Yeah. Dave, that's good. That's it."

David felt good, too. He nearly looked away, but then he decided that, no, he didn't want to do that. Instead he looked right up at Jack, daring him to take it further. He wasn't necessarily sure what "further" was, but he wanted to see what Jack could come up with. Jack surprised him by moving his hand to David's bottom. When David felt a finger making its way in, he nearly jumped off of the bed. "What-"

"Shut up." Jack hissed, as if he was concentrating. He took his hand away for just a moment so that he could spit on it again. "Like I said, I don't know what I'm doin'."

Back when he first met Jack, David didn't want him to come anywhere near him with his spit. The spit handshake had been the most repulsive thing imaginable and if someone had told him he would let Jack spit on his hand and _touch him_, he would have either laughed or run away screaming. But now he turned slightly to let Jack figure all of this out. He started to realize what was about to happen, and though he should have stopped it, he didn't.

Jack was going to sodomize him. They were going to break the law. And David wanted to. He'd never been this careless, this reckless... this turned on.

Jack was careful with his finger as he moved it around inside David. To distract David from being uncomfortable they kissed fiercely, and David found that he could throw his energy into that, even as Jack worked David with his finger.

At least until Jack turned him over. David looked back at him and met Jack's eyes. Jack told him, "This is probably gonna hurt, Dave."

David nodded. "It's alright." And it was. There was no avoiding this.

Jack opened him up and David blushed furiously as Jack slowly entered him. He bit the inside of his cheek to keep himself from crying out from the pain. 'Probably gonna hurt' had been an understatement. Every time Jack moved, David winced. He didn't get the appeal of this at all. Guys got _arrested_ for wanting to do this?

As Jack pushed further in, it became more difficult for David to hide how much it hurt. He whimpered just slightly, but instead of pulling out of him, Jack changed his angle, continuing his movements.

Just when David thought he couldn't take anymore, he felt something. Something that didn't hurt. Something that was really, really nice. Suddenly, he actually felt some pleasure from this whole situation. He groaned and rested his cheek against the pillow as he tried to match Jack's movements. Something about the angle, something had changed. It was sloppy, but it was better now. He reached around his erection, stroking himself. Behind him, Jack moaned. David could feel Jack's breath on his neck. His mouth was in David's hair.

Now David could feel himself getting closer. He picked up the speed as his strokes, and a few moments later, he came into his hand. He wasn't sure why, but he tried to be quiet about it, moaning softly. But Jack knew. Somehow Jack knew that David had finished, he seemed desperate to come, too.

David felt Jack pull out of him, but he stayed right where he is. David could feel Jack's hand moving, and he could hear his semi-loud "yeahs."

David turned around then and met Jack's eyes. Jack's eyes were even more lust-filled than they had been the night in the tiny bathroom. He looked like he could come any second.

Then David gave Jack a challenging smile. Daring him to finish. Now. Because Jack did like a challenge.

And it worked like a charm. As Jack rode through his orgasm, David's arms went around him. He didn't care that it was queer, and he didn't care that he probably shouldn't let on that he actually felt something. The truth was that he did feel something, and he wanted Jack to know, no matter what the cost.

Afterward they lay there lazily for a few minutes until Jack sat up. "I needa smoke."

David didn't say anything, but he watched Jack get dressed. As soon as he had put on his bandana, he left the room and went out onto the balcony for his cigarette. David hurriedly dressed and joined Jack on the balcony.

"So we're not going to talk about it?" David asked as he took his place beside Jack, who was nearly done with his smoke.

Jack turned to him with a look that said _Please, Dave, you think talking about this will do any good?_ At least, that was how David interpreted it.

But David knew that Jack was probably right. There was nothing to talk about. They were two boys, both teenagers, and they could get thrown in jail for what they had just done. Their eyes met, and they had an unspoken understanding. This couldn't happen again. Just as well, because David was starting to feel really sore.

Jack finally did speak. His voice was quiet. "I meant it when I said I don't want ya to go to jail, Davey. That's why I should go."

By "go" David knew he meant "leave you alone."

David didn't want Jack to leave him alone. He wanted to pull him back into the apartment and risk everything. But his sensibility was starting to return, and he knew there were no other options. He nodded. "Alright. Yeah."

Jack's smile was fake. Fake and weak. But he spit on his hand and held it out. David did the traditional newsie handshake even as he started to feel numb.

Why was this happening? How could he let this happen?

Jack finally pulled his hand away and started to climb down the balcony stairs. On the ground, he looked back at David once. David considered waving, but then decided it was better not to. He turned away and went back inside his apartment.

He needed to change his sheets.


End file.
